A Top 10

Top 10 things I do/have done that embarass my kids that I don't find embarrassing.

10. Referring to a guy as "hottie."

No, not to his face. My husband doesn't care; why does my daughter?

9. Standing on the running board of my car in a crowded parking lot and yelling hi to her friend.

OK, so the parking lot was full of high schoolers. Her friend was glad to see me.

8. Singing in the car.

It's my car. If you don't like it, walk. It doesn't embarrass me when you sing and dance around the house with your iPod.

7. Telling people they sing and dance around the house with their iPod.

6. Using "slang"

There is a whole post on this. I'm not for the extreme slang vocab but we all need to throw a little "Whatev" around now and then.

5. Quoting a song during a conversation.

Something to the effect of "You so 2 thousand and late."

4. Being overly excited after beating my husband's high score in Galaga.

Eventually the kids started bragging about it; and now I believe they are proud of me. But the initial response to my I beat your high score dance was one of shock and terror.

3. Screaming like a 12 year old at a Backstreet Boys Concert (My daughter was 5 -she's 16 now-and she still remembers only this about the concert).

I know. I shouldn't have taken her. I was stupid. I'm sure the list of top ten mistakes I've made will be up soon and we'll re-visit this fiasco. But everyone else was doin' it! Nick's a hottie.

2. Talking to total strangers.

I do this pretty much everywhere I go. It' is embarrassing to my children. They do not understand my likeablity and friend making skills.

1. Delivering homework and a fresh batch of muffins to the classroom in my Hello Kitty PJ's.

I didn't really do that. See? I could be much worse.

Boyfriend Distressor

It's probably not a good idea to ask the daughter's boyfriend to give you a hand opening the spaghetti sauce jar. Picture this: It doesn't budge. The daughter proceeds to grab the jar out of his hand and pop it open and he is left trying to convince you that he loosened it. Or worse, you and the daughter act as if you think he really did. No one is fooled in this situation.

Bowling anyone? How about a date with the daughter and her current Prince Charming? Just the three of you. Bowling sounds good. Unless of course the daughter's man doesn't break 60 and you two are hitting the 150s. Slapping hands and laughing. He doesn't mind, does he? Yes. He minds. He's been so busy practicing his jar opening skills that he has a cramp in his hand and can't bowl his best. Poor guy.

Top 5 questions you should not ask the boyfriend:

1. Do you always sweat like that?
2. What do you want to be when you grow up?
3. Is that your natural hair color?
4. Did you just trip up our front steps?
5. Do you think you'll ever be taller than my daughter?

Top 5 things you should not say to the daughter in front of the boyfriend:

1. Do you need to go potty?
2. I think someone is a little hormonal.
3. You need gum. REALLY.
4. You sound like you need to blow your nose.
5. Remember the time . . .