This mom knows all the words and phrases “the kids are saying these days.” She watches The Hills, of course she gets it. This mom is also known to mix it up a bit by incorporating slang from the past 20 years into her conversations at inappropriate times. Such as “Killer”, “Right On” and “Talk to the hand.”
She says “tight” and “sick” and she's not talking about your jeans or a 102 temp. She doesn’t use these words around her friends. She reserves these gems for use around her kids’ friends. Her friends wouldn’t understand anyway. Not that she’s haten’ it’s just, well, they can be whack.
Sample Convo:
Friend: Hi Ms. T.
Mom: (holding her fist up for a bump) Whassup, whassup little man?
Son: (Eyes rolling heads to the fridge for a Dr Thunder)
Friend: (slightly/awkwardly bumping fist w/mom) ummm, not much.
Mom: I hear your new skateboard is off the chain!
Son: Mom.
Friend: Yeah, I like it.
Mom: That Fred across the street has some sick skills. Maybe he will help you.
Son: Sick. Skills. Seriously?
Friend: (slowly looking at his friend) Okay, uh, thanks.
Mom: Fo shizzle.
Son: (disgusted and walking out he gives a nod for his friend to follow)
Friend: See ya, Ms. T.
Mom: Later dudes.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Facebook Addresser
She has a facebook account and has requested to be friends with all of her kid’s friends. Out of respect and the hopes of reaching 1000 friends, they all accept.
She keeps thinking she is writing on a wall when actually she is posting a status therefore broadcasting things such as:
“U look great 2 Melissa. Ur kids are 2 cute.”
When she does actually post a status correctly it is uniquely embarrassing. Such as:
“Just dance, It’ll be ok-LOL” or “Headed to the gstore and then spaghetti 4 dinner. Yum-O”
This mom also enjoys reading what all her kid’s friends have posted and then using it against them later. For example:
Pitiful child of facebook mom: Can I go to Patrick’s party on Saturday?
Mom: Hmmm. I’m not sure. He was tagged in a picture that I found quite offensive.
PCoFM: It was a joke.
Mom: Well, his status says his parents are out of town this weekend.
PCoFM: It does not.
Mom: (Pointing to computer with eyebrows raised) I just saw it on my Newsfeed.
PCoFM: Sighs and walks away.
Mom: Posts on Patrick’s wall: “You better not be having a party with your parents out of town, mister.”
She keeps thinking she is writing on a wall when actually she is posting a status therefore broadcasting things such as:
“U look great 2 Melissa. Ur kids are 2 cute.”
When she does actually post a status correctly it is uniquely embarrassing. Such as:
“Just dance, It’ll be ok-LOL” or “Headed to the gstore and then spaghetti 4 dinner. Yum-O”
This mom also enjoys reading what all her kid’s friends have posted and then using it against them later. For example:
Pitiful child of facebook mom: Can I go to Patrick’s party on Saturday?
Mom: Hmmm. I’m not sure. He was tagged in a picture that I found quite offensive.
PCoFM: It was a joke.
Mom: Well, his status says his parents are out of town this weekend.
PCoFM: It does not.
Mom: (Pointing to computer with eyebrows raised) I just saw it on my Newsfeed.
PCoFM: Sighs and walks away.
Mom: Posts on Patrick’s wall: “You better not be having a party with your parents out of town, mister.”
Sports Obsessor
She takes on several roles depending on the season:
Football Mom: This mom comes to games sporting her sons practice jersey carrying a large cowbell and a poster with his name in glitter. Sometimes she brings a foghorn but only during playoffs.
When her son does something good she can be heard yelling: “You da man Cuatro Uno!
During the game she may appraoch the coaches and offer a shoulder rub or a damp towel while reminding them her son hasn’t gotten all his playing time in, and oh, he really likes to play offense instead of defense.
She is hardcore but still manages to yell down to her son to tie his cleats tighter and go to the bathroom before halftime is over.
Baseball Mom: She is especially offensive in the 4-7 year old leagues but generally offensive no matter where you encounter her. She is wearing in a team jersey that says “Billy’s Mom” and has photo pins of the last 3 seasons on her left shoulder.
She has a plastic mini megaphone and she ain’t afraid to use it. Especially when yelling things at the umpire such as: “Is there an optomotrist in the house?!”
She leaves the ballpark with an imprint of the fence on her forehead due to hopping off the bleachers, pressing her face against the fence and yelling “run . . . RUN!”
Football Mom: This mom comes to games sporting her sons practice jersey carrying a large cowbell and a poster with his name in glitter. Sometimes she brings a foghorn but only during playoffs.
When her son does something good she can be heard yelling: “You da man Cuatro Uno!
During the game she may appraoch the coaches and offer a shoulder rub or a damp towel while reminding them her son hasn’t gotten all his playing time in, and oh, he really likes to play offense instead of defense.
She is hardcore but still manages to yell down to her son to tie his cleats tighter and go to the bathroom before halftime is over.
Baseball Mom: She is especially offensive in the 4-7 year old leagues but generally offensive no matter where you encounter her. She is wearing in a team jersey that says “Billy’s Mom” and has photo pins of the last 3 seasons on her left shoulder.
She has a plastic mini megaphone and she ain’t afraid to use it. Especially when yelling things at the umpire such as: “Is there an optomotrist in the house?!”
She leaves the ballpark with an imprint of the fence on her forehead due to hopping off the bleachers, pressing her face against the fence and yelling “run . . . RUN!”
You Need To Confessor
Any time an unchurched kid comes to her house or gets in her car she tries new tactics to tell them/scare them about Jesus. She tries everything from saying “You think it’s hot here!” To blasting hardcore Christian rap in the minivan in hopes of making Jesus “cool.” Her son is embarrassed because:
a) His friend still hasn’t gotten over her rendition of Lake of Fire sung to the tune of Johnny Cash’s Ring of Fire.
b) His friend can’t understand a word of Fanatic anyway.
a) His friend still hasn’t gotten over her rendition of Lake of Fire sung to the tune of Johnny Cash’s Ring of Fire.
b) His friend can’t understand a word of Fanatic anyway.
Young Dresser
It’s okay to wear a shirt or two from American Eagle when you’re 35-55 but this mom takes it too far. She plays along with the dorky sales guy with the headset when he asks if she and her daughter are “sisters.” Her daughter is disgusted because:
a) The dorky sales guy only said that because he knows her mom has the cash.
b) Her mom runs off to try on the newest pair of lowrise cargos and hot pink AE Babydoll Tee.
You can also find this mom shopping in the Juniors department at your local JC Penney trying to figure out what size 9/11 translates to in regular women’s sizes.
a) The dorky sales guy only said that because he knows her mom has the cash.
b) Her mom runs off to try on the newest pair of lowrise cargos and hot pink AE Babydoll Tee.
You can also find this mom shopping in the Juniors department at your local JC Penney trying to figure out what size 9/11 translates to in regular women’s sizes.
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